March 17, 2009

March 17, 2009

I believe it was a couple of days ago when I had passed the TV room and noticed that one of those “mainstream” news channels was on. So I doubled back and read the ticker at the bottom of the screen. That’s where most of the real news is at most of the time. After a short while something along the lines of “sexual abuse reports on the rise in the military” scrolled across the bottom.
And my heart sank, I shook my head. I spoke out loud “Not on the rise, just cannot be covered up any longer.” I walked out a second later, reminded that I still needed to do this second post. I felt overwhelmed, so many people to reach out to and help… I am not afraid to offer help. I am not afraid to speak up for victims. I am not afraid to apply real pressure.
So many people I am trying to help bring light to. So many people I am trying to strengthen. I am trapped. Yes, I am in prison, but that does not excuse me from upholding my own sacred honor- even if I must face the danger alone. And in here it feels as though I am alone.
That’s how I get to feeling lonely… Feeling overwhelmed… But god damnit, I am one stubborn motherfucker! I will not give up. No matter how lost I feel. No matter how heavy my brothers and sisters become, I am not letting go. I will continue moving forward, even if I must struggle one baby step at a time.
Which brings me to my next issue, suicide. Now some of you may know this, but the American public is wholly unaware of the suicide epidemic of both our active duty and military veterans.
While in Iraq (2006), on the base, there was roughly a soldier suicide every 4-6 weeks. Of course, as any active or prior service member can tell you, every branch of the military will cover up any and everything that would cast a negative view on itself. Especially when it deals with individuals conscious/purposeful actions. For instance harming a fellow service member, or something like suicide. I remember hearing about the third suicide in just about as many months and thinking “that’s too high.”
But then again, everything negative is seriously under-reported. Or categorized under something- anything- else. Many times it is done willingly, openly and by many; which in turn makes it difficult (if not impossible) to reveal the truth. In some cases it’s even dangerous to expose the truth.
They say the truth will set you free. These days, I believe they mean the truth will set your spirit free, free from your body. These days, that’s not what I’m talking about while referring to my release. I like my body; I have really grown attached to it.
Which sort of brings me back to the issue of suicide once again. Again, specifically our veterans; did you know that during 2005-2006 the veteran suicide rate was around fifteen a day (on average)?
Awhile back I was discussing these figures when a bystander made a comment out loud, seemingly directed at no one and everyone all at once. A few people smiled, a few laughed. Others repeated it aloud themselves. I was speechless as I carefully thought about the words “better a homicide than a suicide.”
I was quickly reminded of my lobby efforts in Washington D.C. (2007) to end the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. I spoke personally with congressmen and senators about my personal knowledge and experiences in Iraq. Of how the soldiers I had spoken with expressed disagreement with what they were being forced to do. How they felt abandoned by the American public, because the public was not protecting the service members from this unjustifiable murdering mess that the U.S. federal government ordered them into.
The words I spoke to one of the “War Aids” (of a senator) came back to me. I warned him “You all are treating my brothers and sisters in arms like dogs. And like ‘good’ guard dogs they will attack when ordered to. But when pressed too far, they will snap, they will go crazy; you will break them. Then our soldiers will come back home, and those who don’t already know the truth, and trust me a lot of them know the truth, they will begin to reflect on what happened and why it happened. They will figure it out. Then they will want answers to the obvious questions, and demand the accountability of those in the established government, as accountability was demanded of them. And my friends are the trigger pullers. They are not the kind of people you want sitting around thinking…”
It was at this point that I realized the government had no real intention of bringing our boys and girls home- not alive, not in good health, not expected to live long enough. Its amazing what you can learn when you confront authority face to face with the truth, then look into their eyes, see the reaction on their face and read their body language… Out of a group of 30-40 people who showed up with their own reasons why the wars must be ended, everyone had suits or beautiful dresses with great looking hats… I had on a dark t-shirt and cargo pocket pants with combat boots- the same ones from Iraq.
When everyone else talked they were shut down- rudely- I will add. Everyone, every last one of them. I went last. I went last on purpose. I saw that same “shut up” tactic used before and it was being applied to them again. I went last on purpose.
Some congressmen, aids and officials tried to shut me down, tried to shut me up. And every time they tried I took more ground from them! I kept the pressure on; I raised my voice over their tones of authority. They are public servants. Servants do not tell their masters to shut up. I was speaking for my brothers and sisters in arms. Our voice was going to be heard!
When security tried to sneak up behind me, I called them out. When “they” tried to intimidate me, I told them to do something or back off. They backed off.
When I left all those offices, the others (activists) commented how “they” (the congressmen and senators) LISTENED to me. It felt good to hear it; at first. Afterwards I wanted to yell at them, “Why can’t you do the same!?!”
Sorry, I am cutting this short. I got two “You’ve been flagged” notices in the mail today. One was “This letter contained correspondence that describes/depicts a group disruption.” The other one was “This correspondence is detrimental to the security, good order, or discipline of the institution.” So I want to get this out before “they” find a reason to hold this entry back.
It’s getting harder for me to write. I want to be free in my speech but I’m not allowed. I will continue to be careful so I may continue to reach out. I need help helping you. No one can do this alone. No one.
I will try to write more on my experiences in Iraq and their related actions back in the U.S. soon.

Later,
Reno